Students Officially Designate RMBC as Prime Time for Caffeine-Fueled Existential Crises

Rockville, MD – In an unspoken yet widely acknowledged tradition, students at Richard Montgomery High School have declared RMBC as the optimal time for a caffeine-induced spiral of existential dread.

“I was fine during first,” said junior Addy Dicted, clutching a half-empty Starbucks cup like a life preserver. “But by RMBC, I started questioning if AP Physics is worth sacrificing my entire social life for.” She later added, “It’s wild how an iced caramel macchiato can make you reevaluate your life choices while also giving you the jitters.”

The phenomenon reportedly begins when caffeine levels peak halfway through second period, giving students just enough energy to notice the overwhelming weight of their academic workload, social dynamics, and the vague threat of “adulting.”

“It’s like clockwork,” said sophomore Eye Deekay. “I drink my morning Monster during the passing period, and by the end of second period Spanish, I’m staring at my textbook wondering if I’ll ever really need to know the future subjunctive tense.”

Teachers at RM have noticed the trend as well. “I’ll be explaining derivatives, and suddenly half the class is staring blankly at their desks,” said calculus teacher Mr. Teacher. “You can practically hear their internal monologues saying, ‘Am I even cut out for this?’”

School administrators are reportedly considering a policy to address the issue, including offering "Existential Crisis Kits" in the counseling office. The kits would include a stress ball, a QR code linking to meditation apps, and a card that simply reads, “It’s okay not to know where you’ll be in five years.”

For now, students are leaning on their caffeine rituals to get by. As Addy Dicted put it, “Sure, the existential dread sucks, but at least coffee makes me feel like I’m doing something about it.”